Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
