I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize