I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
