somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize