I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
