I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
