She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
