My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your cock deserves a montage
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
