she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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