Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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