My brain says no but my pants say off.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
