so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
