i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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