I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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