I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
