A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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