By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize