She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
