I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
