dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
