You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
