No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
