I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
