I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My hand turned me down
4 words: hood of his car
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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