hotel room ftw
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
