Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
