Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
