that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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