I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize