Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
