If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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