non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
