She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
