K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
