I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
