last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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