Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it was like his penis was on wheels.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize