these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
