were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
