we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
