halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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