You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Randomize
