fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
