just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
