I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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