they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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