I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
