dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
