This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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