Your tits are I can't wait for
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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