Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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