I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
