Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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