I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize