we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
