I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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