I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
