I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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