"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
