found the other keg... it's in the tree
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
