Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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