turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
