You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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