the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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