We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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