gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
