no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
