Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
