Sponge bath it is.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
