Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
